Unexpected Guest

>> Monday, July 30, 2012

Michigan’s been an oven most of the summer. We’ve had triple digit temperatures, dying grass, and farmers in fear of losing their crops.

A few weeks ago, it was so bad I decided to spend Saturday holed up in the AC just to avoid going outside. (I'll use any excuse to spend an entire day writing.)

I had a wonderful time, but my brain eventually turned to mush so I headed off to bed. The Kindle and I had just snuggled in when I heard a bump. Didn’t think too much about it…until the dog snarled.

This was unusual. Foxy’s deaf, has cataracts, and just plods along, minding her own business. For her to get excited about anything lead me to believe she’d cornered a bug, mouse, or some other creature. Annoyed, I sat up to investigate and…

Found myself staring into the face of a twenty pound raccoon.

I yelped, dragged the dog out of harm's way, and contained the trespasser in the bedroom. Pretty soon the door began to rattle, followed by a series of crashes.

So there I stood in the middle of the living room, trying to figure out what to do. And whether or not CPR on oneself would be possible since I felt like I was having a heart attack. Then I reached for my phone...only to realize I’d left it in the bedroom.


I knew what needed to be done so with a deep breath, I cracked the door, snatched it up while the critter smirked at me, and called “Handy Guy” (aka the neighbor.)

He didn’t answer. So I called 911.

"911--What's your emergency?"

"There’s a…a…raccoon in my bbbbeeeeddddrrroooommmm."


“What? In your house?”


“Umm, what’s your name again?”

“Please, just send someone over.”

“Uh, yeah, what’s your address?”

(address repeated.)

“Okay, they’re on the way.”

Meanwhile, “Handy Guy” had called back and hustled on over. We decided to scope out the situation and found the room totally dark. (My “guest” had disconnected the lamp from the wall socket.)

A flashlight revealed the poor thing hanging from the window casing, six feet off the ground, wrapped like a sheik in the window sheer.

He looked none too happy.

Well, neither was I.

The police arrived (two officers that looked all of twelve years old) brandishing a stick with a noose on the end. A few minutes later, out they came and without a backward glance, hopped in their patrol car and sped off.

It was a long night without much sleep.

Apparently the raccoon had slipped in through the in-out door I have for the animals. What creeped me out was the fact that I have no idea how he managed to walk all the way through the house and get to the  bedroom without me or one of the pets seeing him.

I’m sure it was a fluke. Over the years, I've had a few stray (domestic) animals and deceased "gifts" courtesy of the kitties.

I would guess the raccoon was just looking for relief from the heat and wanted to take advantage of my air conditioning.

But next time, I’d appreciate it if he’d make a reservation.


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